Short Story

It's long. So read it if you are going to read it. If not. No big deal. Sorry if the transfer to Blogger screwed up any formatting. Ok? 

I waited a few moments before walking through the doorway. The nurse at the desk kept looking at me and tilting her head, but would turn away every time I glanced back at her. I had to go in. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him; I just never liked seeing people sick. It had been bad enough loosing grandparents but now it felt like death was just working its way up the family tree.

I turned into the room and there was a man I did not recognize laying in the bed.

“Uncle Peter?” I asked softly. Had the cancer really changed him this much? When was the last time I saw my uncle? Two years. The man in the bed gave me a dopey smile and pointed to the curtain. I smiled back at him, and did this weird shrug motion. I walked to the other side of the room and saw my uncle lying on his bed flipping through a water-stained entertainment magazine.

“I heard you talking to Perry over there, did you really think it was me?” he asked with a trademark grin. I quickly slid into the chair next to the bed and looked at him without smiling.

            “Hey Uncle Pete. How’s- what have the doctors been saying?” I asked, seeing if he would give me a straight answer.

            “Nothing new, nothing ever new. It’s been the same cancer after all these years and there’s nothing any of the doctors in here can even do to get it. It just keeps sticking around.”

He was looking me right in the eyes like he always does. I couldn’t help but noticed how different he actually did look. He was still the man that had enjoyed telling stories every Christmas dinner or always knew something about what I had just learned in school wasn’t he? His eyes looked heavy and his skin had lost most of its redness. He rubbed the tiny hairs that had sprouted on the side of his head and waited me to ask another question.

            “Well, at least they are taking good care of you.” I said, then realizing he was going to object to this statement.

            “You know what! It’s your cousin. He’s the one who showed up and told me about this new insurance thing and then had some doctor tell me that I’m gonna be as comfortable as possible. This place is not comfortable,” his voice started to raise and Perry, from the other side of the curtain, let out a cough, and uncle Peter gave up. I knew he had a bad time with hospitals back when Aunt Kelly was dying. My cousin, his son Dan, was not a bad guy or anything; he was just the business type. Dan lived out in New York and ran a pretty successful financial firm. Uncle Peter was always proud of him but Dan always liked to remind him, and the family, that he had gotten to where he was on his own. Things between them got worse after Aunt Kelly died and they had almost stopped talking until Peter got his cancer diagnosis. Dan did what he felt was right and paid for the best treatments for Peter and got him into a nice assisted living center. But now that Peter was back in the hospital and the cancer wasn’t going away Dan didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t know what to say to uncle Peter at this moment. I always respected him and considered him a role model, but seeing him stuck in this hospital made me feel sorry for him. And that was something I had never felt before. My parents told me it was only a matter of time for him and that I should stop by the hospital a few times over my summer break.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked me as I realized I never responded to him.

“Just the family, and you. I just finished school and I don’t know what I’m going to do over the break. Did you hear my parents went-”

“You need to do something. You need to help me do something.” I could sense the urgency in his voice and it caught my attention.

“Yeah of course, anything you need or if you want me to call anybody. What is it?”

“Help get me the hell out of here-”

I found myself out in the hallway again pacing and nervously dialing numbers on my cell phone.  My heart was still racing from the hurried plans he and I had just discussed. It would be perfect. I always had this desire for a jumpstart adventure that would be one I remembered for a while and this just seemed so perfect. My scheduled and regulated life had just gotten a three-month vacation now that I was done with the school year. I had no job and probably little chance of getting one. In all the excitement, I couldn’t find a reason to say no. I called my friend and roommate Rob to get him in on it too, and also because he had the perfect van for a trip like this.

“Hello?”

“Rob, it’s me. I need to tell you something so listen. I’m with my uncle,” I realized I was practically yelling so I faced the wall and talked slower. “At the hospital. And he wants to leave, like today, and he wants to go on a trip. Like a road trip.” Rob was quiet at first but then spoke up.

            “Are you serious? What about all his medicine and the cancer and stuff? And your cousin, didn’t you call him a total hard-ass? What is he going to say?”

            “I never called him a hard-ass. But my uncle said he’s basically past any point where a treatment would have any effect. He said he doesn’t want to die in this hospital. He also said he could pay for the entire thing. You’re not planning on working this summer right? It will be perfect.”

            “But man, what if he dies when we’re out there? Where are we going anyways?” Once he said this I felt a rush of doubt. What if he did die? I don’t know if I could handle something like that. But there was something about this I couldn’t understand, like my uncle deserved this adventurous action on my part. I couldn’t think of myself or anyone else but him. This was for him.

            “We have to do this. I don’t know if I can explain it but I know it’s what I need to do. And you need to come. It will be the adventure that we always talked about. Just think about it, please?”

            “Alright, yeah. No, you know what? Let do this. It does feel pretty exciting. So yeah I’m totally in. How soon?”

            “Today! Pack some bags, grab me a few days worth of clothes, and come to the hospital. The address is on my desk. Now I’ve gotta figure out how to break him out of this place!”

It turns out uncle Peter just had to sign a few forms and he would be free to go. The doctor kept shaking his head as he gave us instructions about medicines to take and how bad of an idea this was. But he had dealt with Peter’s temper before and I’m sure he didn’t want a second encounter with it. I probably wasn’t paying as good attention as I should have but my mind was still full of thoughts of the trip. We went out to the front and Rob pulled up in his van and starting running to us frantically still thinking we were breaking him out. I gave him a ‘slow-down’ signal with my hands and he looked confused. As we loaded up the car he introduced himself to Peter.

            “So you must be the uncle Peter? It’s nice to meet you.” The two looked each other over. I could tell uncle Peter was taken back a little by Rob’s appearance and that was probably the same for Rob. Rob scratched the hairs on his cheek and put out his other hand for a shake. Peter grabbed the hand and gave him a tough smile.

            “It’s good to meet you too. This is a big car. You a good driver?” I knew the real answer to that question and the one that hopefully uncle Peter wouldn’t find out. Rob smiled back at him and nodded. We piled into the van sitting in the hot California sun and Rob and I turned around in our seats to look back at Peter as he unfolded the map.

            “So where are we headed?” I asked casually.

            “No,” Peter replied. “Let’s take this one step at a time. Just get on the highway and start heading east?”

            “So like towards Phoenix?” I asked him while looking at Rob. I was trying to think of any reason why he would want to go to Arizona. And why he wouldn’t tell us exactly.  But then I got it. Dan. He knew that Dan would probably call the hospital soon and once he heard the Peter was gone he would start making calls. The hospital would probably rat me out. But it didn’t matter we were already gone.

It wasn’t long until California turned into a desert and we were making good time down the wavy highways. These weren’t sights any of us hadn’t seen before, but there was something different about what we saw while on this trip. Rob and I listened to my uncle Peter’s enthusiastic stories about when he was in college and we all made estimates on how high those mountains were out in the distance, or how long it would take to climb. I constantly looked back at Peter just to see how he looks. Every time I see him grinning back at me and I get the feeling that this really is perfect and this really is the best thing I could possibly be doing for a man that I love and respect.

Right then my phone starts ringing. It was horrible collision of hope and fear. Rob turned down the music and I looked back at Peter while flipping open the phone and saying hello.

            “Jeremy?”

            “Yeah, hey Dan…” I was just waiting, I could hear his heavy breathing and how silent the car had fallen around me.

            “Jeremy. He’s there with you isn’t he. Let me talk to him, let me talk to Peter.” I looked back at Peter and he looked out the window. He shook his head and sternly said No.

            “Listen Dan, he doesn’t want to talk to you.” I was going to continue but he started shouting back at me through the phone.

            “No Jeremy, no! You listen to me goddamn it! How could you do something so irresponsible? Do you even know how sick he is? He certainly doesn’t. He doesn’t give a damn about anyone else but himself.” I sat there with the phone resting gently against my head and my eyes beaming down towards the car floor. “I never thought you would be this stupid to pull a stunt like this, what will your parents say? I can tell you, your dad is going to be mad as hell!” Right then Peter leaned forward and grabbed the phone from my ear.

            “That’s enough Dan. That’s enough.” He closed the phone and handed it back to me.

            “Look at me Jeremy,” he paused and had to catch his breath. “We don’t need to worry about your cousin or how much this is going to disrupt his schedule.” He gave he his smile again. I turned back around and Rob looked over at me and mouthed the words ‘hard-ass.’ I wanted to smile but I just looked out the window.

We stopped for the night at a little motel at the California/Arizona border but stopped at a fast food restaurant to buy dinner. We ended up with five or six cheeseburgers and way too many French fries.

            “I haven’t had a hamburger for quite a while,” Peter told us as we sat on the beds in the motel eating them. I was still thinking about earlier, about what Dan said. As much as I wanted to hate every single word he said, a part of me knew he couldn’t have been more right. How was I going to explain this? Even worse, what if something actually did happen, how would they ever forgive me? Every doubt that I pushed aside before felt immovable at this point. Where the hell were we going anyways?

            “Hey uncle Peter, when do you think you’re gonna tell us where we’re headed?”

            “I guess I could only hold out so long, couldn’t I? To tell you the truth this place might not even be there or if it is it will probably look completely different.” Right after he said that it clicked. He grew up in a little town a north of Phoenix. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t figured that out sooner but I guess Peter never really mentioned and my mom was born once they had already moved to California. He explained the rest of the details to Rob and me, giving me a grin when my face candidly displayed my revelation. After we had finished the food Rob laid down on one of the beds and fell asleep ridiculously fast like he usually does and I helped Peter with all of his medicines in the bathroom.

            “How many of these did he say to take?” I asked him, already knowing the answer but I guess I was pretending to be a doctor checking to see if my patient paid attention.

            “Yeah, it’s two of these red things and then that blue one there.”
I watched him pinch the blue pill off the counter with a tiny quiver in his fingers. I felt my throat lump up and my face involuntarily produced a frown. I looked up at him in the bathroom mirror and he turned to look at me.

            “Hey kid. You can’t get like that on me.” I nodded my head a few times. “Thank you for doing this for me. You know, it means a lot.” He left the bathroom and lay down on his bed. I shut the door, cleaned up the bottles of pills and then sat on the counter looking down at my dangling feet. I didn’t want to pity him but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help but feel bad and sad and scared. Where was the uncle I knew who would never let me beat him in arm wrestling and let me drive his car before I even had my license? Now he had become frail and unrecognizable. If it weren’t for his smile I may not be able to distinguish him physically. Why does this have to happen to us? Why do we lose who we are to these disgusting diseases and are left to suffer until death? I couldn’t understand anything that night, not even if I tried.  I went out and found Peter asleep and snoring. I lied down on the pullout bed and fell asleep quicker than I expected to.

 

It was still dark out when I woke up to Rob shaking my right arm.

            “Jeremy, Jeremy. Hey! It’s your uncle.” I sat up fast and could hear the sounds of uncle Peter throwing up in the bathroom. I gave Rob a look that said ‘Why didn’t you get me up sooner’ but before any of us could say anything Peter opened the door and wiped his chin on his white t-shirt.

            “Uncle Peter. What is it? Is this normal? Is it the medicine?” I asked, realizing I had completely failed at being his doctor. He shook his head.

            “Well no, it’s not supposed to happen, at least not when I eat what I’m supposed to.”

Goddamn it. I should have know, who would feed a sick man cheeseburgers. But he should have known, he did know! What is he trying to do, kill himself?

            “What are you trying to do? You can’t just eat whatever you want! I’m not going to let you just-” He walked towards me and talked in a raised voice.

            “Now listen to me! I told you we’re not going to worry about any of this medicine doctor crap. You were supposed to help me get away from all of that. So are you going to do that? Lets go, shower up and we can hit the road early.”

            “Get away from it? You can’t get away from it. You’re dying. I mean what, were we supposed to just drive away from all of the hospitals and forget about that?” I couldn’t believe the things I was saying. Before I realized it, he had already walked out the front door and I was about to go follow him but Rob grabbed my arm.

            “Just give him some time, I mean, isn’t that why we took this trip? To get him away from all that shit?”

I didn’t know what to think anymore. We cleaned up, packed up and left in silence. I got Rob to let me drive so I could focus on something instead of my uncle. It didn’t really help. As we drove down the highway we watched the sun rise up and felt as the coolness of the early morning escaped quickly. We had already passed over the Colorado River and Rob commented to Peter about how amazed he was that this one river was responsible for something like the Grand Canyon. They both talked about something, I think about how Rob played hockey in high school. I tried to focus on the surrounding landscape and tried to find a few strong adjectives to help remember it. Rocky, sunny, barren, sparse. It wasn’t helping. I thought about that one girl I should call when I get back into town. She said she wanted me to call her so we could ‘hangout’ over the summer. What does that even really mean, hangout? I heard Peter say something but I didn’t know what.

            “Jeremy!” Rob shouted.

            “What?”

            “You have to turn here! Highway 60.”

We almost missed it. It was only an hour more to the town and once we stopped at the gas station we filled up and Rob and I switched places. When he was in the store paying for the gas I looked back at Peter.

            “Listen, I know I shouldn’t get mad at you. I’m not mad at you, just worried.”

            “Well I don’t want that. I don’t want you to worry. I want you to enjoy yourself and try not to let things ruin that for you.”

There he was. There was the uncle I always knew. I figure we both are right, there’s room for concern but there has to be just enough room for enjoyment. And what mattered was finding the balance between it all. This had to be his balance. For all those months wasted sitting in hospital beds and watching worthless daytime television. This mattered to him, and because of that it mattered to me. This was the best thing I could do for my uncle in terms of repaying him for all sorts wisdom past down from his generation to my own.

The final hour of driving felt just like the first. We had our energy back and the sun’s heat only seemed to encourage us even more. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I looked down to see who was calling. It was Dan, but I knew that there was no chance of my answering it. I let it ring. We were there in no time and Peter gave us turn-by-turn directions, highlighting any spot that he remembered.

            “Like here. Here was where the old supermarket was where I bought my baseball cards at. Looks like some big chain bought it out. Ok up here turn left at Los Altos.”

There it was, his old childhood home. The houses here were spaced out and not crammed together like in L.A. There weren’t any green lawns but the area had a good feel to it. And there were plenty of swimming pools.

            “Yeah that’s the same pool, that’s for sure. You would have to drag me out of that thing on a summer day like this.”

We got out of the car and stood on the side of the road. The house we completely visible from the sidewalk but uncle Peter, instead of looking at the house, looked up at the sky. There were two clouds drifting apart from each other and I could hear Peter mumbling something to himself.

            “So, you want to go knock on the door and say hi?” Rob asked, brushing the food crumbs off his shirt. Peter kept looking at the sky. I looked at Rob.

            “They painted it. It was yellow when I lived here. Funny though, the blue looks better now that I look at it.” He explained to us. He didn’t care who lived there but he just wanted to see the one place he never had the chance to return to but always hoped to. “Kelly would have liked it here. I always told her about the summers here and my little friend Billy Kimble and how we would wander off to what felt like miles but ended up really only being the vacant lot a few streets down.” We walked a little up and down the neighborhood streets. Peter rested his arm on my shoulder and we let him set the pace. I felt my phone buzzing again in my pocket and I pulled it out and saw my mom calling. Again, I just let it ring. This wasn’t the time for that. This was the time for childhood stories and a warm summer day.

 

We had planned to spend another day in Arizona, maybe go down into Phoenix, Peter thought we would enjoy that and he said he wanted us to have some fun. That night though, he started coughing a lot and didn’t eat much of anything all day. We decided it would be better to just head back and Peter was ok with that. Right before we left I went off around the side of the motel and made a phone call.

            “Dan?”

            “Jeremy, hello. I’ve called you a few times and left messages. Are you just calling me back now?”

            “We’re coming back, probably some time late tonight. Dan I think you should take him to New York with you.”

            “Really? Why did he say that? Did he say he wanted to come to New York?”

            “Not flat out, but I think this whole thing happened because he just needs people to interact with like a human, not a patient. He did say he wished you considered him moving in with you and the family instead of just putting him in the home.”

            “Yeah I can see that. I’ll handle it; you don’t need to worry about that. I still am shocked and speechless about this whole escape ordeal and especially your participation.”

            “Well it’s what he wanted and what he says he needed. That’s what was all that mattered to me.”

            “ Call me when you’re back in L.A. I’m staying at your parents, we’ll figure this all out.”

            “He’s fine, just so you know. He’s only coughing a little but other than that he’s walking fine and taking all the medicine the doctors gave us.”

            “Thank you Jeremy.”

I walked back to the car not know what to make of that conversation. At this point I was just glad that I was able to give my uncle something everyone else would and had denied him of. Rob drummed on the steering wheel and I walked around the car but instead of sitting up front I opened the side door and got in the back with Peter. I could tell he was tired but he still smiled at me. It was with that one smile I felt I could sum up the entire trip and put aside all the worries about what people would say about this whole adventure. Nothing mattered because we made this work and he deserved that from us. We gave him that which others had ignored. It may have been a little self-indulgent on both our parts but I knew this trip happened for a reason. I knew it started out as a whim but quickly transformed into something great, something that which may only come once in a lifetime.

The ride back was calm. He slept most of the way and Rob and I had a quiet conversation about our thoughts about this trip, which then led to a good conversation about life in general. There’s a lot to figure out. We aren’t quite ready for it all but thankfully we knew we would have help along the way.

           

“Thank you,” Peter whispered to me as I myself was dozing off into sleep, “Thank you so much for this.”